Prayer for People in Abusive Relationships

Today I would like to pray for those of you who are trapped in a situation where you are being physically or emotionally abused. Many of us have been in a dysfunctional relationship, but not all of us have had the means, the courage, or the opportunity to get out from under oppression. No two stories are the same, so I cannot offer a blanket piece of advice that covers every situation–but I can pray for you and with you. Although I am not in abusive relationship, I am going to pray “we” with you as if I actually were…because at one point in my life, I did go through a very personal situation that causes me to feel empathy for those who are hurting. I cannot tell you what you MUST do, because that is a very personal choice relative to what your individual situation might warrant; but I will not encourage anyone to remain where you are in danger.

Heavenly Father, I come to You today with and on behalf of friends who may be in a bad situation, who feel there is no way out. However that relationship came to be, they are in a relationship with, or sharing common space with a person wrathful person, given to anger, and feel they are entangled in a snare. Lord, if we ignored Your voice and wound up in that relationship as a result of overriding Your “still small voice,” we repent and ask Your forgiveness. Some of us wandered into temptation and our emotions were louder than the warning signs. We ask You to step in and deliver us from evil, and we know it is not Your will for us to remain in ensnared! You always hear your children when we cry!

Father, while we can exert no power over another person’s will, we ask You for divine wisdom on how to handle our particular situation. As much as possible, please grant us favor with the abuser, so that if a breaking away is to be gotten, we can do so without harassment, stalking, manipulation, or endangerment. We cling to Proverbs 16:7 which says that when our ways please You, You make even our enemies to be at peace with us. We trust You to cause that to take place in however way You wish!

We humble ourselves before You and determine to act blamelessly, with integrity. We will not seek revenge, we will not try to air our dirty laundry publicly and become a drama show for others, even if we have the opportunity or feel entitled to do a tell-all. There will come an appropriate time and setting for transparency but we will rely on Your leading instead of others encouraging us to weaponize our story. We are going to position ourselves to where we can forgive and release those who have used, abused, and persecuted us. To do that, we must keep ourselves unspotted by hatred and vitriol. We can even act obtain justice in a right way, and if we have to testify in court, we will be truthful but not spiteful. There may be some things we need to share with a therapist, pastor, or law enforcement that should remain on a need-to-know basis. And if there are children involved, we will not use them as leverage for revenge. We will not cultivate hatred or fear in their hearts, and we will keep them protected; but cautious about speaking in front of them about matters they may not be emotionally mature enough to handle.

Father, we ask You to deliver us not just from present evil, but we ask for spiritual deliverance from any foul oppressive spirit that would entice us into a repeat pattern of alliance with abusive people. Your will is not for us to go from one abusive relationship to another. Deliver us from codependency and a need to remain abused in an attempt to “fix” people who are dangerous, even if we have compassion for them. Deliver us from attraction to personality types that foster violence, physical/emotional/sexual cruelty, bullying, gaslighting or other abusive behavior.

If there are behavior issues on our part, reveal what needs to change through Your Word; help us to own responsibility for our own actions and words, and help us to grow in grace and character. We can acknowledge our need for personal growth or change without absolving others of bad actions…so admitting where we need help is not accepting blame for being abused! Help us not to be enablers of abuse, and help us to break generational patterns of abuse. Help us not to, having been abused, become abusers ourselves. And Father, make us brave. Give us courage to make hard decisions, especially if we are making them to protect not only ourselves, but also children or elderly from danger. Help us to walk away from someone we still have feelings for, if we know that person is abusing our children in any way! It’s not ok…nor is it ok for us to take abuse “as long as he/she doesn’t hurt the children.” We must protect those who cannot protect themselves, even if it means changing environments for their sake.

Finally, Father, we receive healing of emotional scars. We may have had the temporary status of victim, but we refuse to adopt that as our permanent identity. As we release that person into Your hands, we trust You for Your perfect balance of Justice and mercy. Please convict that person of his/her sins and we pray for repentance and salvation if that person will. We do not wish for eternal damnation for anyone, not even those who have hurt us, but we also know that You are a just God who can bring a fair and acceptable resolution. In Jesus’ name we will emerge as victors and with our emotional, spiritual, and physical health intact. We ask for Your help and we will obey You!

The Avocado of Opportunity

I saw a funny meme on Facebook awhile back, talking about avocados. The gist of it was, not ripe…not ripe…not ripe…overripe. I can relate to this, because I buy and consume my fair share of avocados. The struggle to get that perfect ripeness is real. With not even much experience, we can tell just by the feel when one is obviously, dreadfully, hard-as-a-racquetball, nowhere-near ripe. Other times, what we hold is probably somewhere between marginal and ideal; and we eventually have to cut into it, take that chance, and get the use of it or lose it entirely.

Isn’t all of life like this? We are so bent on perfection that we waste our blessings. We squander the chance to experience gratitude in the present tense. We defer until some future event the permission to be happy: when I’m thinner, when I have a relationship, when I get out of said relationship, when I have kids, when I finally get the kids out of the house, when I get my dream job, when I retire. Exhausting just to think of it, huh?

If what you hold in your hands always feels like it could be/should be a little better, I urge you to pray about learning to let go of your obsession with perfection. I’m a firm believer in all things done in excellence, not sloppily or carelessly; but there’s also the real danger of us becoming like the servant in Jesus’ parable who buried his talent in the ground and just sat on it instead of actually risking using what little he was given.

Be willing to let even your imperfect “avocados” of opportunity be used even when they don’t necessarily feel they’re at their potential best. If you don’t turn loose of that obsession with control, you’ll have a whole portfolio of the unused and unfinished. Songs you meant to finish writing but never got around to. Recordings that you meant to release if you could make them sound just a little bit better. Sermons not preached. Books saved in draft mode and not published, because the author is hoping to someday be able to tag “PhD” at the end of his/her name, and that title implies “more accomplished.” Foundations poured for houses that will never be built because the builder wants to leave the blueprint open-ended. Dreams half-realized, or having sat in limbo for so long, we no longer even dream or remember or care. And the most tragic of all, voids left in society because you hid what could bless God and humankind just because you waited for a better version to evolve.

This is your one short vapor life; and you can live in avoidance, mired in fantasy, and even convince yourself that one day you are going to cut into that “avocado” when the time is right. However, your fear of being remembered for the imperfection of your gifts can cause you to not be remembered at all–because you never shared them. If your imperfect work has the ability to impact many in the moment, why would you settle for impacting only a few…maybe only yourself…maybe no one at all…after that right moment has passed, all for the sake of feeling a little more in control?

Stop keeping your options open. Stop fearing you’ll be judged or ridiculed unfairly. Word: you’re gonna be judged unfairly by someone (probably yourself), no matter how perfect a thing you manage to turn out. Stop being your own biggest hindrance. Know when to just stop editing and revising and filtering, and let it be what it is. Use what you have to the best of your ability and use it before the sand has all run out of your hourglass.

“For whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.” (Matthew 13:12)

Grieving to Recover

Grief affects different people different ways; so be careful not to size up the grief by appearance. It’s a time for giving one another a wide berth and much compassion, not judgment. Someone who seems unaffected by loss may be in fact be hurting deeply. Our personalities are unique and so are our coping mechanisms.

And when it happens to you, grieve; it’s natural and healthy. But…when grief begins to subside or lessen its grip on you, LET IT LIFT (even if it’s sooner than you expected) and don’t let the devil make you feel guilty for letting that season pass. Recognize that the overwhelming, smothering, most raw kind of grief is not meant to stay always. Just as a burned-out forest eventually sees sprouts of green pushing up through the ashes, you are meant to keep living!

Recovering from a loss does not mean you didn’t love that person enough; recovering does, to the contrary, do honor to his or her memory by allowing hope and healing to bloom in the vacant place. Grieving oneself to death is not meant to happen and it isn’t a testament of your love for the person you’ve lost.

If you should wind up in a downward spiral or are inordinately long in the place of grief and cannot seem to shake yourself free, please, please seek grief counseling. How long is too long? I think you’ll feel it even if your initial response is to resist healing. There is a balance somewhere down the road where you can reserve a healthy level of sadness over a loss but it can no longer drown out your desire to live.

My prayer for each of you today is that God will comfort and bless you through your seasons of sorrow. May He grant you courage to keep living and to keep finding beauty and gratitude. If you don’t have a relationship with Him, I pray that you will be open to discover that His love is the most important love you’ll ever encounter; and that His healing presence will sustain and renew you through even the most traumatic life experience.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed.” (Psalm 34:18 NCV)

The Foolish, Desperately Wicked Heart

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“Well, God knows my heart,” is at the same time one of the most comforting and the most alarming statements ever. We know of His goodness; let’s not abuse His grace. We can fool others, we can even fool ourselves; but He knows what’s really in our hearts and our hearts are usually very fickle, gullible, and fallable. Our hearts will take the same bait time after time after time, even knowing we’re probably going to regret it; but reasoning that maybe this time we won’t.

I can walk away/quit anytime I want. I’m more mature now. This time it’ll be different. I’m strong. I know what I’m doing. Just this once and I won’t do it anymore. How dare you judge me? I can do this and still remain in control. No one knows me here, so it’s okay. I’m a good person, I’m important, I work hard, hey, I deserve to be happy. I earn the right to have a little fun. I have a right to do whatever I want. No one tells me what to do! Ain’t nobody’s business anyway. And the biggie: I’m only hurting myself.

It’s why David, after his major moral failure with Bathsheba, penned Psalm 51. We usually can quote the “Create in me a clean heart” passage in 51; but I challenge you today, go back and read that fairly short Psalm in its entirety. David was broken and repentant and very transparent; but it wound up happening only after the man of God called him out on his not-so-secret sin.

The reason I am sharing this passage today is that we can lie to ourselves all day long that our hearts are always pure, our motives always tempered by sound judgment, that the end justifies the means…oh how I wish it were true! It’s why when I hear someone offer the advice, “Just follow your heart!” I cringe. Some of the saddest trainwrecks in my own history have come from following my heart. But for the grace of God.

Stay in the Word, not just as an observer but as a participant in its teachings. And muster up the courage to examine yourself…identify those parts of your personality and character that are vulnerable to sin and temptation. David prayed, “See if there be any wicked way in me;” and I would add to that thought, “Lord, You already see it…show it to me too, so I can begin to loathe what threatens to destroy me. May I choose to not walk in deception!”

It’s ugly. It doesn’t feel good to be under the microscope! Let God begin to heal and deal with those weak places in your nature; and while you’re at it, make up your mind to start fleeing temptation instead of doing the dance with it. Temptation acted on has no good end. When you feel that sickeningly sweet beckoning toward a thing you know has left ruin in its wake in your life in times past (or even in your family tree), FLEE it! Flee it and throw yourself at the mercy of the cross. Better to avoid the heartaches and shame and mistakes entirely than to have to come and let God put you back together after you’re shattered. He will, of course, when you repent, but you will have some painful scars to remind you of wrong choices made when you “followed your heart.” There are some things that will unleash painful consequences that remain long after you’ve gotten forgiveness. Remember, we have an enemy who steals, kills, and destroys.

For some reason I have a mental image of a bunch of ball players sitting around the table watching as the coach shows a video and makes notes on a whiteboard…they’re watching what cost them the last game, figuring out their weaknesses, trying not to let what wrecked the past become a pattern of chronic failure for the future. That’s what wise people do, isn’t it? Embarrassing as it is to identify our weaknesses, it would be foolish to pretend that they don’t exist when our opponent knows them too…and will mercilessly go for our most vulnerable traits in an attempt to trip us up.

We can’t continue to pursue wrong things and expect the right outcomes. I say this to ME! To all of us! Our “best life now” isn’t a life of disregard for consequences…it’s making better choices than we might have made in the past, which is a setup for true joy, lasting peace, and success.

Trees of Righteousness

“…to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3 ESV

This is one of my favorite Scriptures in all the Bible, in any translation. The “trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord” part brings an image that causes pure joy to rise up in my spirit. Every time I see a strong, stately, beautiful tree, this Scripture rushes to my remembrance and I feel at peace.

Think of the many blessings God gives us from the humble tree. A tree’s leaves absorb carbon dioxide and generate oxygen. We are supposed to be a breath of fresh air to our surroundings! It produces fruit, provides shelter, shade, a windbreak against the violent storm; it’s a home to many birds and small animals. It prevents the topsoil from eroding away so that the landscape is lush and full of growth. We put tire swings on trees for our kids, and we have picnics under the comforting canopy of their branches. They are the recognizable landmarks we use to give others directions. Some of them become the paper we write on, the homes we live in, and the fuel that keeps us warm in winter. Their bark, leaves, and roots are medicine. There is no part of the tree that fails to provide value, no season of life in which it has no active role in the ecosystem…and even in the tree’s death, it continues to give.

Lord, make us trees of righteousness, fulfilling every purpose You intended when You planted us. Help us to bring value and meaning and a reflection of Your goodness in our surroundings every day. You’ve brought us through hard times and heaviness, so may we receive Your grace and allow Your healing to set forth meaning as we share that hope with others.

May we glorify You in all we say and do! May we remain aware of the significance and responsibility of being Your “trees” as we display continual evidence of Your goodness! Amen and amen!

Hasty Conclusions Lead to Offense

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What a shame—yes, how stupid!—to decide before knowing the facts! — Proverbs 18:13 TLB

Among the traps of offense in which the devil tries to snare us is the trap of drawing hasty conclusions…assuming what someone else thinks or doesn’t think; or assuming what a person’s attitude or intentions are, when we aren’t even face to face with him or her. We put much faith in our ability to read into body language, or worse, discerning the climate in which written words were penned. Is it really what we think it is? And now we live in the day of text messages, emails, and such…more ways to misunderstand and draw wrong conclusions. I’ve had to learn many hard lessons about forming hasty opinions over the years, and sometimes I need a refresher course! Why, in the book of Joshua, the children of Israel nearly went to war over a false assumption of someone else’s intentions behind an action! How many times have I almost “gone to war” without discerning truth?

The enemy of your soul will have you convinced that someone is against you who really isn’t! He will tell you that the person thinks something which couldn’t be further from the truth…or that his or her actions or inactions are out of spite, disrespect, lack of love, unconcern, or with ulterior motives. Many times the devil has duped me into thinking this or that person didn’t like me or was mad at me! And what a blessing it was, those times when the ice got broken, and I felt so foolish when I found that I was completely wrong! This old gal has had to repent a time or three for having a completely wrong perception of someone!

When you are very close to advancing to a new level, don’t be surprised if Satan throws a grand opportunity in front of you to get angry, offended, to burn bridges, or just to allow a root of bitterness or resentment to spring up toward someone in your circle. Be it a peer or someone under whose authority you serve, guard your heart with all diligence against offense. Recognize that what feels like a reasonable assumption may be a diversion that sets you off course from where God wants you to be heading! Don’t be quick to jump to conclusions, especially where your feelings are concerned—our feelings can play tricks on us! The devil can’t touch our spirit man but he sometimes has a field day with our mind, will, and emotions!

Remember all the times others have assumed wrong things about you, and how unfair it felt to be the target of false perception, if you’re ever tempted to assume the worst about someone else. People are prone to fail us; not so much intentionally, but because they’re human, they’re not God! We all get distracted, we forget, we miss things, we get tunnel vision, we run out of time, our priorities get out of balance, we sometimes say things that can be taken more than one way…and we don’t always know when someone else perceives we have done something wrong. Likewise, a good bit of the time, others may have no clue when they have done something to rub US the wrong way!

And in all this…we never REALLY know what kind of very private storm another person may be going through—stress, relationship problems, loss of a loved one, financial lack, insecurity, sleep deprivation, depression, anxiety, a health scare, a son or daughter in trouble…or just too much stuff all at once. Let’s go a little easier on one another.

Lord, when I’m about to draw a hasty conclusion in error, correct me and help still my agitated spirit! Don’t let me be disqualified from passing an important test, over being caught up in wrong assumptions and opinions formed out of context! I will place a demand on my maturity as it relates to knee-jerk reactions, because self-control is a fruit of the Spirit! I commit to take time to learn the truth on situations that would violate my peace, instead of letting my imagination and feelings rule me—and even if truth turns out to be ugly, help me extend the same kind of mercy that You daily extend to me! Help me keep my eyes on you and walking safely away from snares of offense!

Permission to Be Healed

Repeat after me: “Lord, I am Your child, Your cherished creation. You don’t see me as a victim, an orphan, an outcast, marginalized, a less-than. I refuse to see myself as anything You don’t sanction! If You don’t believe it about me, Father, it’s a lie!”

The wrong voices speaking into your life will have you so messed up, you can’t believe anything good about yourself or for that matter, about other people. The enemy of your soul knows that if you can’t believe anything good about yourself, you’ll always question the goodness of your Creator.

I love Psalm 1 for many reasons, and this is one of them. It says we are blessed if we don’t walk in the counsel of ungodly people, we don’t stand in the way of sinners, we don’t sit in the seat of the scornful; but instead we make the Word of God our focus, our counsel, our example, and the influencer of our heart attitudes. Nowadays, we tend to take our life advice from some pretty unhealthy sources–tv talk shows, social media, magazines, even our peers. They’ll convince us that we are broken and just don’t know it yet…and that we’ll be forever defined by what broke us. They’ll condition us to stay skeptical, cynical, vindictive, at odds (even enemies) with anyone who disagrees with us; not just demanding a resolution, but also the right to keep the sore open and oozing with no healing in the future–because if it’s ever healed, it no longer gets to remain our identity. Sound familiar? Turn on the tv or look on your newsfeed…drama that promises to never come to an end.

And the enemy laughs and claps. He keeps us bound and everyone around us pulled into the bondage. God help us, our society has become addicted to it.

If you are compelled to believe that you are forever broken, you’ll never even try to rise above that state. You may even fight to keep that identity of brokenness because it has become the comfortable norm: broken us becomes the only us we recognize. All of us have something in our history that could be used as a measuring stick to what lies in our future. All of us have some tipping point event that could have ruined us, but for the grace of God. Maybe it’s divorce, maybe childhood abuse/neglect, poverty, tragedy, generational curses, a false accusation, maybe a bully, a betrayal, a discrimination, or some unfair outcome from choices other people made that left you or me at a gross disadvantage. Other milestones may be the unthinkably stupid, selfish, or wrong choices that we ourselves have made, which took us down paths we now regret. Truthfully, I have both kinds of situations in my history and you probably do too. Oh the stories I could tell…except, that’s not who I am anymore. Neither the devil nor anyone else gets the distinction of having ruined me. Gee, that felt good. I think I’ll go stand in front of the mirror and say that again:

NEITHER THE DEVIL NOR ANYONE ELSE GETS THE DISTINCTION OF HAVING RUINED ME.

Yesterday is gone, my friend. It’s time to let it be in the tomb of time. God’s mercies are new every morning. You woke up today with a chance for better than yesterday. A chance to grow, to heal, to change. Don’t resist being restored just because it feels more familiar to remain broken! Don’t allow the devil to keep you bound to an identity that God hasn’t given you. You may have been a temporary victim but don’t ever allow yourself to have that identity permanently etched on your soul…not because you got so hardened that no one could ever hurt you again, but because you refused to surrender your joy to a devil or a person or a culture or an event on your timeline.

I’ve shared before about a dream I once had where I was in a corridor with two doors on either side. I had my hand on one doorknob and was trying to reach out and grasp the other doorknob, but my arms weren’t long enough to lay hold of both. I knew when I woke up, God was showing me that I needed to move forward on a matter but I was still holding on to where I’d come from. And the truth is, as long as I viewed it easier or more advantageous to stay stuck in an endless loop of my hurts and disappointments, I’d never be free to be…free.

The good news in Psalm 1 is the flipside. When we pull away from bad counsel, bad company, and bad mindsets, we become like flourishing trees growing right on the river bank. Notice it sometime–trees by the river or a constant water supply are the first to bloom in spring and some of the last to fade in the autumn. I want to have lasting fruitfulness, and I’m sure you do too. My tree bark may have a few scars on it but I’m thankful that they’re testimony of God’s faithfulness to help me bounce back again and again, and not just a story with a tragic end.

May you be healed today. Receive healing. May you be whole today. Wholeness means restoration back to like-new condition, as if you were never afflicted or injured! May all of you reading this be The Comeback Kid. Let’s aim for not just healing, but also wholeness in spirit, soul, and body. When the devil tries to drag you back into the quagmire, stand your ground and say, “In Jesus’ name, that’s not who I am! That door is closed! The past no longer gets a say in my future…I am a child of God!

A RESTORATION WORD FOR BELIEVERS WITH A BROKEN, INCOMPLETE PAST

This is a word I believe the Lord has given me for those who have in recent months or years come to the Lord from a hard past, who don’t know quite where you/they fit in. I know people who’ve come out of prison, rehab, the streets, broken homes, etc., who don’t yet feel as if they are whole, nor do they yet feel like “equals” with their adult brothers and sisters in Christ who come from a healthier background:

“I am filling in the gaps for you by restoring wholeness to your inner person. The years that the cankerworm ate by drugs, dysfunctional families, destructive habits and behaviors, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse are in the past; but though they cannot be added back into your life, I will make you as whole as if those years weren’t missing from your early life. Right now you may be in your 30s, 40s, 50s, a little younger or older but you feel as if you fit in more with children and teenagers than with adults; it’s because you have awakened after a long time in darkness. It may feel a little harder to relate to many others your age because your path is just now merging with theirs.

You are going to be okay. If you will lean into Me and let me grow you, I can bring you up to speed to where you feel more like you belong, even among other adults who’ve had healthy experiences that you missed out on when your life purpose took a detour. I am situating people in your present and future, if you’ll let Me, who will mentor you and help you mature and catch up. I will teach you life skills and how to become responsible and stable. I will grant you opportunities to earn respect and develop confidence. You will defy the odds, and you will be a beacon of hope for others who feel there is no way they can be redeemed. Why? Because My hand is on your life. I have use for your testimony, even the painful part—and I can create a safe-enough distance between you and the pain so that you can share a victory story without being drawn back into depression and despair. Don’t be ashamed and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Trust me on the days you feel like a failure and stay humble when doors begin to open for you. Be quick to repent of habits, actions, mindsets that need to be changed or forsaken. Be quick to forgive when people let you down or misunderstand you, and that includes forgiving yourself. Release the regret of yesterday. You have today and the remaining days of your life, and My mercies are new every morning. Work with the present and I will heal what’s missing or broken from your past—I will repair the cracks and smooth out the wrinkles. I love you and yes, I value you—just as much as those who’ve never been where you came out of. You are not a less-than, you are a more-than conquerer. Just wait and see how I will make your story amazing and glorious!”

Clear to the Finish

Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” Remember him before the light of the sun, moon, and stars is dim to your old eyes, and rain clouds continually darken your sky. Remember him before your legs—the guards of your house—start to tremble; and before your shoulders—the strong men—stoop. Remember him before your teeth—your few remaining servants—stop grinding; and before your eyes—the women looking through the windows—see dimly.

Remember him before the door to life’s opportunities is closed and the sound of work fades. Now you rise at the first chirping of the birds, but then all their sounds will grow faint.

Remember him before you become fearful of falling and worry about danger in the streets; before your hair turns white like an almond tree in bloom, and you drag along without energy like a dying grasshopper, and the caperberry no longer inspires sexual desire. Remember him before you near the grave, your everlasting home, when the mourners will weep at your funeral.

Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don’t wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.

That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad. (Ecclesiastes 12:1-6; 13b-14 NLT)

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Finishing well…

Challenging ourselves to exceed our past victories isn’t necessarily a bad thing; at least, unless it drives us into depression or a feeling of failure when our present isn’t quite as exciting as “what used to be.” Ask most uber-successful (at least in the public’s eye) what their greatest fear is, and many will tell you something like, “I’m afraid of becoming a has-been; irrelevant; a metaphor; obsolete; on the markdown rack of the record store of life.” They’re afraid that they’ll not be able to remain suspended on the high of success, to the status of champion, the blockbuster, the well-known, the respected. A bestseller status may come with a sobering thought: “Will I ever be able to do this again, will I ever be able to break my own record? Can I still be happy even if I don’t?”

Face it, at some point in time, you will do, see, go to, taste, become, experience the greatest thing of your life. Can you be ok with life going back to normal after those singular greatest experiences, or will you constantly compare the present to the past and rob yourself of enjoyment of what’s here, right now, and what’s to come? Can you remain grateful for life even with its ups and downs, the temporary nature of success, or the awareness that those greatest moments only last for a little while? Yes, you can.

The only thing that you for sure haven’t done yet is to FINISH. We will all finish, sometime in our future. Some will arrive there sooner than others. There will be no chance to repeat or exceed that experience because a finish means no more, at least in this one short life. Maybe you cannot roll back the years and be who you once were, or do things you aren’t able to do now, but you can finish well. Even if you’re a hundred years old and on a cane. Even if no one’s still around who remembers the victory lap, the full head of hair, the trophies, the most lauded season you ever had.

You aren’t who you were then. You have grown. You develop character not because of the slam dunks, but more often from the timeouts and the losses and the time spent on the bench. Sure, it’s nice to relive in our memories, but you’ve one responsibility you haven’t yet met, whether you realize it or not–and that’s to finish and finish well.

Don’t be so focused on what no longer is that you cannot turn your attention to the present, and even more importantly, to eternity. Don’t let it prevent you from celebrating others who now are getting to experience what you may once have…because you can be the one to give them an example of how to remain happy after a pinnacle moment passes. They need you to show them how to successfully remain grateful all the way to the finish. You don’t have to live vicariously through other people in order to appreciate when they get to experience their moments–you can actually enjoy it as YOU, and then go right back to being who you are now–happy for who you were then but also happy for who you are now. Gratitude keeps time from souring us!

Lord, help us to be grateful even when life comes with disappointments or downhill paths. Help us to be thrilled when we have those unforgettable experiences, but not jaded when we discover that not every day is full of success, winning, achieving, experiencing a new personal record. If You are the source of our joy, it can’t be taken from us…whether we’re maxing out or bottoming out. You are our constant.

May we give You thanks in spite of it all–the wins, the losses, the mediocre days in-between. Thank You for all the seasons of our life and our growth from the burst of life in spring to the winding down of winter. We can remain at peace in all of it, free from the need for constant affirmation of others. May we keep You first and complete what Solomon described as the “whole duty” of a person–to reverence You and follow your commands. May our eternity be a good one because of the choices we make now–and may we inspire other people to live for You, as gratefully and as intentionally as they can, so that we all might finish well. Amen.

Today is the Beginning of Your New Year (Regardless of When You Read This)

Prayer checklist for the new year:

Something I’ve neglected that has affected me spiritually, physically, and/or emotionally. (Self examination)
Something I want to never do, to be bound by, or to have sabotaging me again. (True repentance and a desire to enable meaningful change)
Something that I once had that I’d like to have back or in a greater measure. (Awaken lost dreams, recover what was stolen, lost, or forfeited)
Something I’ve never done or never had that I want in my life. (Courage and faith to go beyond my comfort zone)
Something for which I need to forgive someone else or even myself (even if that person is no longer alive). Bonus challenge! Something for which I need to ask someone else’s forgiveness…and mean it.
Something I’ve never fully surrendered to God that I need to relinquish control over. (Purging out the secret sins, hangups, hidden shame, or simply “weights” —things that hinder me from running well)
Something I can do for others in the coming year by the grace of God. (Commitment to not be so self-absorbed)

This isn’t for you to answer publicly. It’s a time for personal reflection. God has given you this one human life and then eternity spent in one of two places. Don’t squander it…it’ll be gone like a vapor.

Don’t be stagnant in 2023. Dig in and ponder the tough stuff. Start measuring your progress in these areas regularly instead of letting the fallow ground go untilled for yet another year. Hold yourself accountable, raise the bar, and grow! By this time next year, you should see a difference in the way your life looks as you give these situations to God and choose to let good changes into your life!

Coals of Conscience

“Never hold a grudge or try to get even, but plan your life around the noblest way to benefit others. Do your best to live as everybody’s friend. Beloved, don’t be obsessed with taking revenge, but leave that to God’s righteous justice. For the Scriptures say: ‘If you don’t take justice in your own hands, I will release justice for you,’ says the Lord. And: If your enemy is hungry, buy him lunch! Win him over with kindness. For your surprising generosity will awaken his conscience, and God will reward you with favor. Never let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21 TPT)

When I was just a kid, my parents and grandparents had coal stoves in their houses, as did pretty much everyone else in our little Appalachian neighborhood. I can remember many times watching one of the adults empty the ashes or bank a fire; so that Scripture brings back memories of my childhood and the dangers of having to dispose of those hot ashes. To this day, I still have a healthy respect for fire. Yesterday while getting dressed, I was listening to an audio version of the Passion Translation. Romans is my favorite book in the Bible, and I’m very familiar with how the King James reads; so when the narrator came to the “heaping coals of fire” passage, my heart leaped. I had to stop what I was doing and actually look at this again in print (as listed above).

Romans 12 explains how we are to handle our enemies—being kind; meeting a need they have; literally feeding them if they’re hungry. The vengeful person, who fancies this idea of an ash shovel full of glowing coals getting dumped on the head of someone he or she doesn’t like, might be a little disappointed that the Lord isn’t trying to burn those people who are not treating us as we wish. What He is aiming for is a softening of two hearts—ours toward them and theirs toward us! Who’da thunk it! We just happen to be the one He is calling on to make the first move. And how? Through kindness and goodwill and giving.

You might say, “Well that’s just the problem; I’m always on the giving end.” Truly, I don’t know each of your situations, and it would be overwhelming if I knew everyone else’s problems in detail. But I do know that there is a difference when we go into something prayerfully and strategically. Obedience pleases the Lord. And the Word says that when a person’s ways please the Lord, He will cause even that person’s enemies to be at peace with him/her!

Let’s pray.

Father, we have at any given time opportunities to have conflict with other people. It’s becoming a crazy last days world where the love of many is growing cold, just as Jesus said it would. Help us not to grow cold in our love and patience and long suffering toward others.

We commit today to You, and ask that You make us mindful of not just the drama and conflict; but also how to build a bridge of peace. Help us genuinely empathize with those we don’t get along with. Help us to have eyes to see chances to do kindnesses toward them that awaken their conscience. Lord, we don’t want to be used and taken advantage of and taken for granted, but because of the wisdom of Your Word, we extend kindness today toward even these who have gotten on our last nerve!

As an act of obedience to You, we will sow what our flesh doesn’t want to sow into someone who has wronged us. Lord it goes plumb against the grain of our carnal nature—but we are sowing with a harvest in mind! Today we deliberately release Your Holy Spirit to go to work in us. Change how we feel toward them, and change how they feel toward us! You have permission to begin the work on our side. Use our kindness to awaken their conscience. Open doors of favor that were once dead bolted against us, for Your Word even says that You will reward us when we do these things! May we represent You well today, and may we remain patient while You go to work in the seeds we have sown! We release forgiveness and blessing into the lives of those who have hurt us and mistreated us, and we do it in Jesus’ name!

(I actually wrote most of this and posted on Facebook in January 2019 but just now got around to editing and sharing it on here!)